I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
