p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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