remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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