the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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