My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
