gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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