So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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