Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
