I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
