You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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