i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
