only if we run a train.
done.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
