How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
