When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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