Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
