i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
