your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize