Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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