forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize