Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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