i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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