I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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