oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
