shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
