You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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