This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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