god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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