Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
