Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
