guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
