Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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