Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
