i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
