My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize