Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
