I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
