Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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