I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
