Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she peed on how many people?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
