I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
