Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
