Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
