i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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