maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
