So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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