i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
