I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
