If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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