He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You need Xanax blowdarts
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
