thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
