Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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