How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
These tits shall not be calmed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize