it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
