You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize