anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
