at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
