So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
