PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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