Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this will be a night to untag.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
