Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
