we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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