Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
