i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
