never play flip cup with pint glasses
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
